33

This has been a bad week. Just plain bad.
I wish I could tell you 17 good reasons why my week was bad. Like, I was sick, I locked my keys in my car, I lost my job, etc. But I have none of those to hang my " funk " on.

I have a few ideas of what could be causing it, but am not sure any 1 can be fixed soon, or at all.

I am beginning to realize how alone I really am. Not looking for pity here, but this is just a fact. I have very few friends, tons of acquaintences, but very few real friends. Not one person knows everything about me. That is by design. I don't really like who I am these days. I am sad, and quick to tears, and I can't explain why.

I think I am starting to hold the weight of my families future on my shoulders. More discussions that I want to admit have dealt with "when that happens" kinda topics. My role and knowledge around that subject is greater than I ever wanted. However, as the single one, it has fallen on me. I don't want it, but can't say that as it will bring disappointment and frustration to others. I would rather deal with the stress myself than bring any more stress to others.

My lack of "social" as my dad would call it is also slightly below depressing, and rapidly dropping. Don't get me wrong, I love my parents a ton, I really do. I am over there a great deal, and am grateful to be able to help them with random things from computer issues to vaccuuming. I rarely have anything worth discussing with them, other than work. I was asked this past week if I had had any "social"( This was on thrusday night). I thought, OF COURSE NOT. I was here with yall on Monday, Wednesday, and here again Thurday.

Many times it is my own choice to go over there, as it is better than going home and being alone with my thoughts. So, I don't want it to seem like this is all because they ask, and I refuse to say no. It is becoming more apparent to me, even as a I type that I go in an effort to avoid being alone with my thoughts. It is an escape mechanism. But what am I escaping?

This weekend has shown me how sad things are. Friday night, I picked up fast food, and took tylenol pm to help me sleep...at 7:00PM. I was in bed until 12:30 today. I got up and went to meet my friend to watch the mavericks game. That killed 4 hours. Then, back to the drive thu and home again. My only plans for Sunday include sleeping in, going to dog park, and hopefully the driving range. That is it. My life consists of 1 very good friend, my parents, and my dog.

wow. this is not where i thought I would be at 33.

Monday!!!

Ok- so very quick update.

My appt for the removal of the packing is WEDNESDAY at 9 45!! i am hoping that is goes smoothly enough and I feel up for some el rancho grande afterwards! So, pray specifically then :)

Also, I am going to get my hair done here in a few hours! So excited. I have been able to bathe, but since i cannot get my face really wet, or put my head down, I have to go to a professional :)

For this I am very excited!

oh and a new pic...todays theme YELLOW!!!

Outpatient does not mean easy....

Ok, so a few of my friends know that I have struggled with a deviated septum for years, and decided to do something about it this year. * non medical definition*- when you have something causing you to not breathe 100% through the airway as God designed:) Essentially the biggest annoyance is when i get an sinus infection or something of that nature, I keep it for months!! and somewhere deep down, i think that this will magically make me run faster, right? This pic is from Saturday.....



I went to the doc, and was asked almost immediately if I had ever broken my nose. Initially I said no. Then I began to very vividly remember slipping in preschool when in the bathroom. I had worn my new Sunday school shoes- and busted my lip and nose pretty good. But back in the day- the x-ray didn't show much. So, we pressed on....for 30 years :) Fast forward.



The blessed procedure was last Thursday. Little miss optimistic me decided I would officially take through Monday off, but would likely be ready to work again by Monday. Silly me.

We got to the hospital at 5 am for a 7 15 procedure.Seemed normal, however not everyone on the case heard 715....so the fun started at 10:15, and we didn't leave the hospital till almost 5 that evening. While in the surgery the doc confirm that I did break it...when I was 4 and had a bone spur as well just to add in some spice. So, I gave him a challenge. Here I am on sunday....



My family has been key though this process. Erin took the day off to hang with me- and then I have been staying at my grandmothers place ever since. Going on day/night 4 here. She is FANTASTIC!! She has waited on me hand and foot. All meals brought me in bed. (which have included Lima beans, pureed potato soup, tomato soup, mac and cheese, jello and pudding!!)Drawn baths for me, done my laundry and fresh drinks every couple of hours!. I have not been the most energetic guest, as I promptly take some pain killers every 6 hours! She is the greatest 93 year old nurse you could EVER imagine!!!



So, I am not necessarily in PAIN, but very uncomfortable. Best way to describe it is the worst head cold ever, where your nose is running all the time, but you cannot even begin to consider blowing your nose. All this since Thursday, and till next Thursday. Then the 2nd part of the fun happens. I think the Internet has been less than encouraging for this part of the process. I think I will request to be put under for the "unpacking" process, but doubt it will happen. So, please start praying as I am very scared about that!!



I will try to post an update after thursday. I am more of a yellow today, much improved over the black an purple.