Sunday, June 29, 2008

How I got here...

I have always been one to think that blogging is for those with exciting lives. Those with husbands, kiddos and fantastic trips. I have none of those.

I don't really know why, but as of late I have felt compelled to write what is going on in my life, my head and my heart.

It has been an interesting 5 weeks. Here are the events that may have brought me to this place.
1. Suicide of my first love.
2. My sister got married.
3. My cousin got married.
4. My aunt passed away.


Needless to say there have been emotions galore. In fact, I sit here typing with tears. And if you know me at all, you know I am not a crier. Clearly there is something stirring in me, and wants to get out, so this is my weak attempt to discover exactly what it is.

Learning of Kevins death was a shock. If you know our history at all, you know that the news was bittersweet. Not to say that I wished him gone at all. Just a surge of emotions to know that he could no longer hurt others as he did me. At ths same time- a blessing to know that he is finally at peace and no longer struggling with life. I am truly grateful that he and I had come to a place where we could be friends, and that forgiveness had proved healing for both.

Watching my sister find her love has been a beautiful process. I would be lying if I said I wasn't somewhat jealous. But, so much more than jealous, I am elated that she found her groom. (Mark, welcome to the family!)

My cousin and his new wife moved their small wedding up in order for his mother to be present. My Aunt was diagnosed with ALS about 18 months ago, and it took her just a few weeks ago. This is possibly the worst disease I can ever imagine. I have also become more close to my uncle in the past years and having watched him slowly lose his best friend was a painful one. Their relationship is one that I enjoyed watching and pray someday I have the opportunity to emulate.

What am I trying to accomplish with this blog. I have no clue. Maybe looking at other folks blogs has made me a little jealous, but also made me think. Just because I do not have a family of my own, and no boy on my arm, doesn't mean that things are not going on. Not much outward activities at all, but something inside me.

I guess I should thank you for reading so far, and invite you on this journey to figure out why I have been compelled to blog.






1 comment:

Caleb said...

If I know a blog is about husbands, kids and vacations I'm not about to read it. But this is good stuff. Except the part where you get up at 4:30am - that makes me sleepy.